Ahoy, wayfarers, ’tis International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I missed it last year and am still kicking myself over that mistake. As you can clearly see, I made it just in time this year. With barely any time to write and edit anything, I created another delightfully zany list of 12 oddities from the Feengrenze. I hope you enjoy the nautical nonsense.

Oddities on Parade: The Most Absurd Pirate Ships of the Feengrenze

Piracy is a fact of life in the Feengrenze since only two nations have any form of formal navy, and both are intermittently engaged in piracy. Piracy is a popular career path for those who cannot conform to life in whatever one-horse town they grew up in and can walk to the sea. As such, numerous crews are… a little odd, their times out on the wyrd-soaked waters taking their toll on both men and ship.

The roost: A drifting hulk of a cog, caked in guano and missing rudder and weapons, yet somehow still sailing. Its crew is a flock of awakened parrots led by an old battle-scarred scarlet macaw named Polly One (there are 26 other Pollys aboard). When a ship drifts close, the parrots swarm to snatch hardtack, nuts, dried fruit, or anything shiny they can carry—pecking out the eyes of anyone who resists. Despite the bounty on them, the Roost has never been caught.

Cragen Fach: One of the most feared terrors of the Feyglimmer Sea is no ship, but a young dragon turtle with the wreckage of a caravel lashed to its shell. Its “crew” is Wynne Cadwallader, a fiery-haired, 30-something merwoman in scandalous pirate garb, distantly related to a New Mountainheart noble house. Wynne raised Cragen Fach (“Little Flipper”) from the egg, spoiling him into a Mama’s boy. Mentally a toddler, Cragen believes himself smaller than her, eager to please, and utterly blind to the harm he causes at Wynne’s command.

The Specter: The Specter cannot be fought—it appears and disappears at random. No one can describe the vessel, nor recall the moment of attack. In truth, it is not a ship but a drifting glitch in reality. Any vessel that encounters it loses 1d20 × 100 gp in cargo, while the crew remembers only a hazy pirate raid by something called the Specter.

The red tower, A sea-worn wizard’s tower that wanders the waves. Its mistress is Meriel, a 14-year-old pimple-faced, auburn-haired, elven prodigy who murdered her master and now wields his robe of the archmagi and staff of the magi. She uses a winch and cargo net to haul loot aboard, usually with the victims’ own labor. Meriel hates being called a “kid” and often lashes out in tantrums—sometimes sinking ships outright.

U-666: This German Type 8c U-boat was swept into the Feengrenze in 1944 and claimed by devils of the Infernal Reich. It has been retrofitted with an infernal engine, a ramming prow, and ballistae. Led by Captain Daarzosces, a marooned Infernal Reich horned devil captain gone native, its crew hunts only ships flying Christian banners, salvaging their wrecks to fund repairs and drink in Vineta. All other vessels are ignored.

The Collector’s Ship: A magnificent galleon belonging to an Archfey known only as the Collector. To each viewer, the Collector appears as the opposite gender and their most attractive feature in a partner—always impeccably mannered, always obsessed with ships. When a vessel catches their eye, they politely order the crew off at cannon point, then bottle the ship with magic. Their cabin is said to hold dozens of bottled prizes, with an especial obsession for capturing U-666.

The Scrapjay: One of the few airships of the Feengrenze, the Scrapjay is a sloop lashed to a zeppelin hull by struts and patched together with junk, buzzing with propellers. Its crew are exiled rock gnome inventors led by Nimzig, slightly saner than the rest. They threaten passing ships with homemade bombs to fund the doomsday weapon they claim will avenge their exile from Ginkdimblid.

The Fortune’s Fool: A decrepit galleon turned floating casino by pirates who worship Lady Luck. They have no captain, letting chance dictate every decision. Victims are dragged aboard to gamble against cultists under the eye of a neutral dealer. Winners are returned to their ship, richer than before. Losers are cast into the sea, leaving behind derelicts crewed by a single lucky survivor.

The Jolly Dodger: More junk pile than vessel, the Jolly Dodger serves as a floating base for the goblin gang known as the Jolly Rogues. They raid at night in catamarans, swiping sails, spars, rope, rum, and whatever else takes their fancy—then vandalize hulls with obscene graffiti. Their leader, young Wrielkunk, sports the gang’s sacred tricorn, marking him king of the Jolly Rogues.

Rimebreaker: Not a ship but a carved iceberg fortress with giant-sized oar-holes. A crew of frost giants row it like a galley before ramming prey and tearing the survivors apart in boarding actions. Their leader, the one-eyed grey-haired ice giant Thane Kristvarður Bjarnarsson, reigns from a lavish ice chamber at the stern.

The Jolly Roger: The most stereotypical pirate brig in the Feengrenze, manned entirely by wannabes who one day simply decided to become pirates. Few know how to sail, fight, or even talk the lingo, but their sheer enthusiasm brings them uncanny luck. Their captain, James Silver, read Treasure Island and now cosplays a poor man’s Long John Silver.

El Mureto: A blackened skeletal galleon with rags for sails and a handful of ghouls for crew. Its prow resembles a shark’s jaw, and the ship itself is a revenant—formed from the soul of Spanish pirate-hunter Juan Francisco Saldaña fused to his sunken vessel, El Furioso. Now El Mureto hunts the pirates he loathes and the infideels, the most feared specter of the Feengrenze Sea.